I found a job.
So I found work.
They called me and they don't say no on the phone. You go there and they say no when you are there.
So I went, smuffing: a replacement of maternity, figurative...
I do.
The office is located in the most prestigious part of the city: Prato della Valle. But as soon as you open the heavy old door, you immediately realize that the architects should be reform them all, especially those who with the complicity of owners without feeling, have made out of ancient palaces fading the interior to make offices and apartments where not only the Feng shui It's "Chinese robes," but where those who enter have suffered the feeling of choking.
The office opens in a long and sad hair, the windows if there are damage in dark tunnels, sad and gray inner courtyards.
I'm going in the hallway and nobody's coming for me. All around an operous caterpillar mixed in the pen shadow, confused with stacked boxes, as if you were about to make a move, a vague gray and cold light, this place sucks, I knew, it looks like an abandoned warehouse.
I welcome the door behind me, I don't close it, I almost want not to make noise and then I face again towards the corridor a little warm and I stop, I listen to the noises (which I do, I run? ) and suddenly I give a dry blow to the door and I shut it off, clak! : someone will come to get me, I will not go to open doors that I don’t know, I could almost be inside the movie MatrixI'll open a door and open a barter that... behind me they play at the door, you feel immediately a click and the door opens behind me, I face me and put back to the wall.
I want to see what happens now.
I feel a quick step that climbs the steps, noise of heels rhythmic that go up the stairs. The door opens wide, she walks in, I'm transparent, she doesn't even see me, she runs in front of me in speed, takes a junction of the corridor and gets stuck running. She is beautiful, young and lean: she has blond hair moved to Pharaoh Fowcett (and she is certainly too young to know who was the farah ♪, No I don't know how I've done this. Association mental). It has a delicious flower dress, with a light floral skirt that lets you discover the nervous knees and a little tanned and has the open sandals, with the heel that will be a 6 cm, the nails of the cured feet, accidents we are in April and this already runs with the open summer sandals, beautiful shoes I understand it as well as I do not understand anything. I like his ride, I would like to run with a nice flower dress, the moved hair just treated by hairdresser, the new shoes with the heel, instead I stand in a gray corridor with a pair of jeans that just at home throws them, I swear I throw them, a shirt that will be one hundred years and I have at least two hundred today, so it is true that I keep my eyes low and look at the shoes of the girl running and I don't even know what face it has. Look up.
In front of me, banged in a teca, open arms, looks like a Christ without head and without body, a jacket brand Belstaff dark grey, with a plaque close to the year of Manufacture, and he closed under glass, framed and hanging on the wall, but I really don't understand anything, that makes us a jacket in a teca? It is certainly not the place for me this (and I love the memory of Alessandra that many years ago fair told me to have found, after several researches, the spaccio of the Beltstaff, where it had gone -60 kilometers to go and 60 to return - and where he had finally bought for his daughter of 6 years the jacket of Belstaff, when they went to fashion with the belt tied behind the back and she had spent a figure disproposed to buy is spring jacket but, he had explained to me conciliante, I took a slightly larger size so if it exploits it also next year. Then I had seen the day after the little girl with the new jacket coming out of the school, and the sleeves were long and they had rolled out, and the belt was loose and the jacket came up to the knees almost, and Alessandra had taken her daughter and scolded her, but do you not see that you are dragging your belt on the ground? E because Did you roll your sleeves? Top 15 days all school children and most Members He was walking around with the jacket. Belstaff, all the same clothes, changed the color and the car from which they descended. I fortunately walked.
I hear new The quick steps: tac tac tac tac, the girl sbuca running in the hallway, has a package in her hand in a transparent envelope, this time she looks at her face, known that she has a beautiful ethnic necklace and the stones immediately recall the ones that she set in the sandals, interesting That's all Association, I think, if I know it...The face is young, it seems little rigged but instead while I vent myself running well known light powder, a small pimple near the upper lip, eyebrows arched, the short breath, and there is nothing to say, it is certainly beautiful, despite everything. I'd like to follow his trail and run, too, but I hear Anita's voice telling her:
Then she goes into the hallway too, and luckily she's smiling as I remembered her, a little bit smaller than me, with a couple of read adherents on the big legs, an open shirt that reaches them up to half a thigh, a fatness brought with notchalance, a wonderful Round bacon that protects two twins who are making their way. As we are bitches we women with other women: if they are beautiful we immediately notice the defects, if they are normal there Let's calm down but we analyze them to the scanner. Say hello warmly and I answer them immediately:
– do everyone like this get into your office? Everybody out running?
She laughs, she already has a big breath, her belly compresses a little diaphragm, I know how it feels when the breath does not come, and moving even a few steps is a physical fatigue that forces you to do long breaths, deep, to see if you can fill the lungs of air. I have no age to make children.
He's taking me to his office, sitting in front of her and talking. I listen politely and I get intrinsically: the studio is an office with white walls, a gut with a window that gives in a bugigattolo, a pc sad but at least with a flat screen, a printer to his right, a fax machine, and cards, cards by everyone and Anita who speaks and comes to her a bit’ ago but does not seem notice. Strange what pregnancy: Anceh I didn't notice. until, at the end of the ninth month, I realized it was not possible for me to breathe more. She doesn't even know. Try to explain to me what the work is: it is not clear. I look around but there is little to look at. On the right, a closet was gutted, they put some shelves and now contains some collectors of different color and brand with the label invoices 2008, invoices 2009, customers 2009 and so on.
I get a knot in my throat. administration. Cards and cards and card control. But I need a job, man, a job that's not to be a waitress like that dumb Taliban guy suggested I do several times. Anita speaks and I don't listen: I'm very focused on thinking about throwing down the toad of a job administrative. She looks at me and tells me:
– ecco, questo è quanto. Insomma, non tutto, faccio davvero fatica a dirti cosa faccio io qui. Dimmi tu.
Io? Io vorrei ringraziare, penso che potrei alzarmi darle la mano, dirle grazie sei stata davvero gentile a pensare a me, ma sto posto fa schifo, il lavoro fa schifo, io sto male per conto mio, mi sento soffocare, ciao e grazie mille. Penso troppo in fretta, il mio istinto prevale sempre e così domando:
– mi dici quante ore settimanali?
– 39, 39 ore settimanali.
Stramazzo. Credo di essere scolorita in faccia because lei si affretta ad aggiustare il tiro e si sporge un po’ sulla scrivania verso di me, e mi guarda e dice:
– Sono troppe?
– Sì, non posso fare 39 ore settimanali. Non posso, non ce la faccio proprio.
Ho un nodo alla gola: mi sento come se mi avessero già incatenato.
Lei si tira indietro, sposta il bacino un po’ in avanti, pone le mani sulla parte posteriore della sedia e poggia le spalle sullo schienale spingendo in alto quela sua bella pancia tonda. Ci sono due gemelli dentro lì. Due bambini.
– te lo dico francamente. Il tuo curriculum mi piace. Ti conosco. Io ho bisogno di una come te. Qui dentro c’è bisogno di una come te. Guarda, facciamo così, facciamo 25 ore la settimana, le mattine dalle 9 all’una, e due pomeriggi da due ore e mezza. Il lavoro è bello, la gente qui è interesting, sono sicura che ti troverai bene. Il capo è in gamba. Qui si lavora un po’ sotto stress because bisogna gestire le emergenze. La ragazza di prima aveva una cliente nel negozio che voleva un capo paritcolare con il bottone di raso blu e non viola. Mi ha chiamato, io ne avevo ancora un capo qui, e lei è corsa a prenderlo. Per quello correva. Fidati, è un bel posto di lavoro.
Vedo che cerca di aiutarmi. Potrebbe essere in effetti. Potrebbe essere. Non so. E poi è un’ora che sono qui e ancora non abbiamo parlato di soldi.
– scusa, lo stipendio di quanto sarebbe?
– Lo stipendio? Ah, guarda, scusami ma non mi sono informata…
E lo sapevo. Lo sapevo e lo sapevo. Tutti bravi a parole, tutti che offrono lavori speciali, interessanti, pieni di opportunità, ma quando poi si tratta di parlare di quattrini… Rilancio la palla: dico che ho bisogno di pensare e valutare, lei concorda con me, e mi dice che mi chiamerà tra 10 giorni, dopo aver valutato altre persone.
Esco. Spero che valuti altre persone. Io non sono adatta, davvero. Uffa.
Mi ha chiamato dieci giorni dopo mentre ero al parco a correre:
– Senti sono nei guai. Ti parlo con franchezza: non è facile trovare una persona come dico io. Qui mi serve qualcuno che sappia risolvere i problemi: io so che tu saresti la persona adatta. Perpiacere, se vieni qui domani mattina, ti spiego alcune cose, che forse non sono stata chiara. Ti assicuro che è un bel lavoro. Fidati. Io non so quanto tempo riesco a restare ancora qui…
Sono andata convinta che avrei detto di no, because non adatta. Invece ho detto sì because pareva brutto dire di no.
Ho detto sì because Prato della Valle ce l’ho nel cuore ogni volta che vi arrivo. Ho detto sì because non avrei avuto le ferie e non sarei stata a disposizione del mondo nel gestire i figli e le loro vacanze estive. Sì because lei mi ha voluto con tanta insistenza, convinta che io sarei stata la persona giusta nel posto giusto. Sì because era tutto così assolutamente diverso da quello che avevo fatto finora, administration e carte e numeri. Sì because avevo degli orari fissi e io ho sempre odiato gli orari fissi. Sì because era un contratto a termine. Sì because avevo tempo due mesi per dire di no. Sì because iniziavo il 1° maggio, festa dei lavoratori. Sì because avrei avuto la mia prima quattordicesima prima ancora di avere la tredicesima.
Ho detto sì because avevo un mucchio di ragioni stupide per dire di sì, e io delle ragioni vere, ponderate, razionali e che mi spingevano a dire di no, non ne potevo più.
Da ieri mi hanno rinnovato il contratto: avrò un ufficio mio, la pianta quadrata e due finestre grandi. Una mia casella di posta elettronica e un mio computer. Non farò più contabilità e administration. Farò le cose che so fare: giocare con le parole, la comunicazione, la vita, i disegni, le cose belle e quelle difficili. Potrò mettere i manichini nel mio ufficio, aggiornarmi sulla stampa, fare le foto e modificarle, studiare i volti e le espressioni, andare al negozio e respirare l’ordine e la pulizia, tornare e scrivere ancora.
Non posso crederci ma sto per ricominciare a vivere. Volevo condividerlo con voi.
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