It was April.

I found a job.

So I found work.

They called me and they don't say no on the phone. You go there and they say no when you are there.

So I went, smuffing: a replacement of maternity, figurative...
I do.

The office is located in the most prestigious part of the city: Prato della Valle. But as soon as you open the heavy old door, you immediately realize that the architects should be reform them all, especially those who with the complicity of owners without feeling, have made out of ancient palaces fading the interior to make offices and apartments where not only the Feng shui It's "Chinese robes," but where those who enter have suffered the feeling of choking.
The office opens in a long and sad hair, the windows if there are damage in dark tunnels, sad and gray inner courtyards.
I'm going in the hallway and nobody's coming for me. All around an operous caterpillar mixed in the pen shadow, confused with stacked boxes, as if you were about to make a move, a vague gray and cold light, this place sucks, I knew, it looks like an abandoned warehouse.

I welcome the door behind me, I don't close it, I almost want not to make noise and then I face again towards the corridor a little warm and I stop, I listen to the noises (which I do, I run? ) and suddenly I give a dry blow to the door and I shut it off, clak! : someone will come to get me, I will not go to open doors that I don’t know, I could almost be inside the movie MatrixI'll open a door and open a barter that... behind me they play at the door, you feel immediately a click and the door opens behind me, I face me and put back to the wall.

I want to see what happens now.

I feel a quick step that climbs the steps, noise of heels rhythmic that go up the stairs. The door opens wide, she walks in, I'm transparent, she doesn't even see me, she runs in front of me in speed, takes a junction of the corridor and gets stuck running. She is beautiful, young and lean: she has blond hair moved to Pharaoh Fowcett (and she is certainly too young to know who was the farah ♪, No I don't know how I've done this. Association mental). It has a delicious flower dress, with a light floral skirt that lets you discover the nervous knees and a little tanned and has the open sandals, with the heel that will be a 6 cm, the nails of the cured feet, accidents we are in April and this already runs with the open summer sandals, beautiful shoes I understand it as well as I do not understand anything. I like his ride, I would like to run with a nice flower dress, the moved hair just treated by hairdresser, the new shoes with the heel, instead I stand in a gray corridor with a pair of jeans that just at home throws them, I swear I throw them, a shirt that will be one hundred years and I have at least two hundred today, so it is true that I keep my eyes low and look at the shoes of the girl running and I don't even know what face it has. Look up.

In front of me, banged in a teca, open arms, looks like a Christ without head and without body, a jacket brand Belstaff dark grey, with a plaque close to the year of Manufacture, and he closed under glass, framed and hanging on the wall, but I really don't understand anything, that makes us a jacket in a teca? It is certainly not the place for me this (and I love the memory of Alessandra that many years ago fair told me to have found, after several researches, the spaccio of the Beltstaff, where it had gone -60 kilometers to go and 60 to return - and where he had finally bought for his daughter of 6 years the jacket of Belstaff, when they went to fashion with the belt tied behind the back and she had spent a figure disproposed to buy is spring jacket but, he had explained to me conciliante, I took a slightly larger size so if it exploits it also next year. Then I had seen the day after the little girl with the new jacket coming out of the school, and the sleeves were long and they had rolled out, and the belt was loose and the jacket came up to the knees almost, and Alessandra had taken her daughter and scolded her, but do you not see that you are dragging your belt on the ground? E because Did you roll your sleeves? Top 15 days all school children and most Members He was walking around with the jacket. Belstaff, all the same clothes, changed the color and the car from which they descended. I fortunately walked.

I hear new The quick steps: tac tac tac tac, the girl sbuca running in the hallway, has a package in her hand in a transparent envelope, this time she looks at her face, known that she has a beautiful ethnic necklace and the stones immediately recall the ones that she set in the sandals, interesting That's all Association, I think, if I know it...The face is young, it seems little rigged but instead while I vent myself running well known light powder, a small pimple near the upper lip, eyebrows arched, the short breath, and there is nothing to say, it is certainly beautiful, despite everything. I'd like to follow his trail and run, too, but I hear Anita's voice telling her:

Then she goes into the hallway too, and luckily she's smiling as I remembered her, a little bit smaller than me, with a couple of read adherents on the big legs, an open shirt that reaches them up to half a thigh, a fatness brought with notchalance, a wonderful Round bacon that protects two twins who are making their way. As we are bitches we women with other women: if they are beautiful we immediately notice the defects, if they are normal there Let's calm down but we analyze them to the scanner. Say hello warmly and I answer them immediately:

– do everyone like this get into your office? Everybody out running?

She laughs, she already has a big breath, her belly compresses a little diaphragm, I know how it feels when the breath does not come, and moving even a few steps is a physical fatigue that forces you to do long breaths, deep, to see if you can fill the lungs of air. I have no age to make children.

He's taking me to his office, sitting in front of her and talking. I listen politely and I get intrinsically: the studio is an office with white walls, a gut with a window that gives in a bugigattolo, a pc sad but at least with a flat screen, a printer to his right, a fax machine, and cards, cards by everyone and Anita who speaks and comes to her a bit’ ago but does not seem notice. Strange what pregnancy: Anceh I didn't notice. until, at the end of the ninth month, I realized it was not possible for me to breathe more. She doesn't even know. Try to explain to me what the work is: it is not clear. I look around but there is little to look at. On the right, a closet was gutted, they put some shelves and now contains some collectors of different color and brand with the label invoices 2008, invoices 2009, customers 2009 and so on.

I get a knot in my throat. administration. Cards and cards and card control. But I need a job, man, a job that's not to be a waitress like that dumb Taliban guy suggested I do several times. Anita speaks and I don't listen: I'm very focused on thinking about throwing down the toad of a job administrative. She looks at me and tells me:

– That's it. I mean, not everything, I'm really struggling to tell you what I'm doing here. You tell me.

Me? I'd like to thank you, I think I could raise my hand, say thank you, you were very kind to think about me, but I'm place sucks, work sucks, I'm sick on my own, I feel suffocated, hello and thank you so much. I think too quickly, my instinct always prevails and so I ask:

– How many hours a week?

– 39, 39 hours a week.

That's weird. I think I'm discolored in my face. because She rushes to fix the shot and leans a little on the desk towards me, and looks at me and says:

– Too many?

– Yeah, I can't do 39 hours a week. I can't. I can't do it.

I have a knot in my throat. I feel like they've already chained me.

She pulls back, moves the pelvis a little forward, puts her hands on the back of the chair and rests her shoulders on the back pushing up That one. her beautiful round belly. There are two twins in there. Two kids.

– I tell you frankly. I like your resume. I know you. I need someone like you. You need someone like you in here. Look. We do this, we do 25 hours a week, the mornings from 9 to 1:00, and two afternoons from two and a half hours. The job is beautiful, people here are interestingI'm sure you'll be fine. The boss is good. Here you work a little under stress because You have to handle emergencies. The girl from before had a client in the store who wanted a boss parity with the blue and not purple satin button. She called me, I still had a boss here, and she ran for it. That's why he was running. Trust me, it's a good job.

I see you're trying to help me. It could actually be. Could be. I don't know. And then it’s an hour I’m here and we haven’t talked about money yet.

– Excuse me, what's the salary?

– The salary? Oh, look, I'm sorry, but I didn't know...

And I knew it. I knew it and I knew it. All good words, everyone offering special jobs, interesting, full of opportunities, but when it comes to talking about quattrini... I raise the ball: I say I need to think and evaluate, she agrees with me, and tells me she will call me in 10 days, after evaluating other people.

I'm out. I hope you value other people. I'm not fit, really. Ow.

He called me ten days later while I was in the park running.

– Look, I'm in trouble. I speak to you frankly: it is not easy to find a person like I say. I need someone here who can solve problems. I know you're the right person. SorryIf you come here tomorrow morning, I'll explain some things, which I may not have been clear. I assure you it's a good job. Trust me. I don't know how long I can stay here...

I was convinced I'd say no. because Not suitable. I said yes. because It seemed bad to say no.

I said yes. because Prato della Valle I have it in my heart every time I get there. I said yes. because I wouldn't have had the holidays and I wouldn't have been to Facilities of the world in managing children and their summer holidays. Yes because She wanted me so insistently, convinced that I would be the right person in the right place. Yes because It was all that absolutely absolutely different from what I had done so far, administration and cards and numbers. Yes because I had fixed hours, and I always hated fixed hours. Yes because It was a contract. Yes because I had two months to say no. Yes because I started on May 1st, Workers' Party. Yes because I would have had my first 14th before you have the thirteenth.

I said yes. because I had a lot of stupid reasons to say yes, and I had real reasons, weighted, rational and that pushed me to say no, I couldn't anymore.

Since yesterday they have renewed my contract: I will have a my office, the square plant and two large windows. My e-mail box and my computer. I won't make any more accounts. administration. I will do the things I can do: play with words, communication, life, drawings, beautiful and difficult things. I will be able to put mannequins in my office, update me on the press, take pictures and edit them, study faces and expressions, go to the store and breathe order and cleanliness, come back and write again.

I can't believe it. start again to live. I wanted to. share with you.